


For Blue Skies

by orphan_account



Series: Wincest Songs~ [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom!Sam, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, okay, top!dean, whooP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-16 23:38:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4644333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean loses Sam for the thousandth time and can't do it anymore.<br/>He's given up and It's all of his fault Sam's not here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Blue Skies

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was requested by one of my closest friends. The request was to be made off of this song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PEScUG8Br4 so this is what I came up with. It's triggering and angsty at first but gets really fluffy/smutty at the end. Ohhhh and character death.

_It was so easy, falling into the taste of Demon blood. It was intoxicating, painful, delicious and pleasing all at the same time and it drew Sam in. He lived for it, for a while. "Sam?" Dean's voice carried over to his brother's ears, broken in places and Sam froze. "What are you..." Dean trailed off, looking down at his brother's red soaked mouth and at Ruby, who was underneath Sam with lustful eyes. You could see the snap in Dean's gaze. "What the hell is going on here!?!" Sam jumped off the bed and backed away, looking at Dean with frightened eyes. He wiped at his bloodied mouth as Dean felt betrayal in his veins.  
_

_"Dean? I can expla-" Dean threw a punch at Sam, making him stumble and grasp the edge of the bed to steady himself. "Wait, Dea-" Another punch, then another._

_"What the fuck is this, Sam?!" Sam held up his hand in defense, trying to get his brother to stop but feeling disgusted in himself. The look in Dean's eye killed a piece of him. Ruby was now in font of Sam, putting her hands up and telling Dean this was for the greater good but Dean took his Demon knife and aimed it at her, aiming straight or her heart in pure rage. Sam intervened and blocked the knife._

_"Dean NO." Sam held Dean's wrist in his grasp a bit longer than necessary and Dean slapped his hand away, look of disgust in his features. "Dean, I- I..." Sam tried to look for words. Any words to take away that look in Dean's eye, it was killing him. "I have to do this, Dean." Sam settled, and Dean's face grew more revolted than he did before._

_"Get out, Ruby. Let me talk to my brother." Dean glared at Ruby with a deadly glare, a glare that threatened, and probably would deliver, death. She looked at Sam, who nodded and she left with speediness. "Why, Sam? What the hell's going on?" Dean's broken voice broke Sam down, and Sam looked away with self-hate. Almost as if looking at Dean he would infect him with his dirtiness. Sam didn't answer. "ANSWER ME, DAMMIT." Dean's voice grew hostile and Sam's eyes watered a bit, before blinking the tears away. "I don't even recognize you anymore. What are you?" Dean mumbled under his breath as a side-commentary. Sam flinched.  
_

_"I'm a human..." Sam told Dean, and continued regardless of the pain. "Lilith. I need this to kill Lilith, and only until then I'm this." Sam said, his voice cracking at the end. "I was going to tell you but," Sam trailed off, rubbing his temples and looking at his feet._

_"We could have done this together, Sam." Dean's voice was softer now, like if you approached a wolf in the woods and it already spotted you before you could run away from its corruption and you tried to appease it with soft words. 'Good boy, Good boy.'''s, trying to sooth the monster before it ate you. This analogy made a pain rise in Sam. "Why'd you have to," Dean stopped and wiped his mouth before starting again. "turn into this? Why'd you have to turn into one of the things we hunt, Sam." Dean's voice was obviously strained and on the brink of tears. "If I didn't know you, I'd hunt you." There was a long pause, and right before Sam could respond the door flung open and Dean was flung to the back wall. He blacked out to the image of Sam fighting.  
_

_***_

"SAM." Dean flung awake, looked around as panic draped over his goose bumped features, the sweat soaked mattress sheet sticking to his thighs and back. He was breathing heavy as he swung his legs over the bed and settled his hands between his arms. "Sam..." His chest heaved out before sobbing into them, gripping at his hair as pictures and memories of his brother flashed through his memory. _As a kid, Sammy was so chubby. As a teen, his skinny and small figure was sportive and Dean remembered the times he would restrain back a crushing bear hug after those 'close to death' hunts. In his twenties Sam had a fresh face, sex drive of a dog in heat and his hairstyle only reached the ends of his ears and when he smiled he had the cutest dimples. Nearing his thirties Sam's hair was a tad bit longer, dotted-dimples turning into lined ones and he sported a gruff._ "Sammy..." Dean let out a hoarse sob, closer to a muffled yell then a whimper.He slid off the bed and onto the carpet, holding his hand in a praying position before croaking, "It's been a long year since we last spoke, hows your halo?" He imagined Sam giggling to that, crushing his hear even further. He pictured Sam, smiling with his dimples propped up on his elbows looking at Dean with a toothy smile. "What did I miss, Sammy? Do you ever get homesick up there? Because I can't get used to it. No, I'll never get used to it." Dean let out a sob, then he stood up. He rubbed his face and walked hunched-over to the bathroom and took-in his appearance in the mirror. His red and puffy eyes were swollen and cringed towards the light above the sink. His face was shaved, but only because Bobby practically begged him to for Sam's funeral. Since Dean absolutely refused torching him, Sam was buried in the town he went to Standford in. Dozens of people showed, it was the day Dean actually died. His chest and thighs were beaded in sweat, stomach looking more bony than muscular. He looked at his eyes, a flash of memory sparking through them.

' _I'd hunt you_.'

"Dammit..." Dean looked down, clenching his hands around the sink before he he sunk to the ground, the skin around his knuckles tightening due to his grip on the porcelain. "DAMMIT." Dean punched the mirror with all his pain, all of the remaining strength he held poured into the glass of said mirror. His hand felt numb, but as he peered into said mirror, tears streamed down his face at the same velocity as the crimson blood flooded down the cracks of his reflection. He didn't seek the edge of the sink for stability as he sunk to the ground, huddling his bony form together on the tiled floor as he laid down, falling into sleep beside the shattered glass.

***

_Dean coughed abruptly, his ribs aching with pain as he did so. Sam. He needed to protect Sam. Dean took a few moments before raising his head off the ground, mind still blurry as his focus strained against unconsciousness. He shook his head a little, his muscular form resting on his right hip and his back to the wall. Sam. Find Sam. "Sam?" Dean's voice barely above a whisper rose through the dark room, only the bathroom light giving a stream of visibility into the motel room, which was frankly trashed. Dean followed the trail and a mop of brown hair appeared at the base of the line, close to the base of the bed facing away from Dean. "Sam?" Dean shouted at his little brother, thinking he probably broke some bones before standing up and verifying it himself. Sam, from this perspective, looked like he was also gathering his strength. Dean's gaze laid on his brother's body, with an eagle view compared to the ground, saw a pool of crimson blood pooled around him. _Dean's worried rage dissipated into stone cold panic._ "SAMMY?" Dean forgot completely about his injuries and threw himself down beside his little brother. He pulled Sam's right shoulder towards him, turning Sam on his back. "Oh no. God no, Sam." Sam's eyes were closed, his shirt was soaked red and his face looked ghostly. Dean pulled Sam's upper torso onto his lap, his heart sinking when he touched Sam's ice cold skin. "Sammy, come on." Dean's voice cracked as warm, prickling tears rolled down his eyes and hit Sam's unresponsive eyelids. Dean cradled Sam's cheek in his hand, holding Sam's waist in with his right and bumped foreheads with him, gently then rested it there for a while before flinging his head back and sobbing. "SAM." He yelled, in an almost effort to wake him up, then he checked his pulse, which he should have done before put his methods were flung out of the window when he saw Sam. It was weak, but still there. Relief drowned him as he grasped the sheets and put pressure on the stab wound. Sam can make it, he will. "It's okay, It's okay." Sam eyes fluttered open, and Dean smiled and rocked Sam a bit, grasping Sam's sweater like a lifeline. "Heya, Sammy." Dean spoke quietly through shaky and held in sobs. "Welcome back, little brother." _

_Sam was startled and smiled a painful grin, "Hey, jerk," he spoke, voice hoarse and run through, then coughed, the blood streaming down the corner of his mouth. Dean wiped it away quickly, then grabbed Sam's left hand and rested it on top of the blood-soaked sheet. "Put pressure on it, Sammy. You're gonna be just fine." Sam shook his head and lifted his bloodied hand up to Dean's cheek. Dean let out a sob._

_"Come on, bitch." He pleaded with a terrified chuckle; and Sam just shook his head again, maintaining the gentle smile. Dean turned and applied pressure himself, then Sam added more pressure to Dean's cheek and as Dean turned to him, Sam pulled Dean's neck to his level and gave him a slow, kiss. Dean cried into his and put his hands into Sam's hair and cradled his head in his shaky hands. They pulled back, foreheads rested against each others. "Sam, you stay with me ya'hear?" Dean looked at Sam's eyes with intensity and Sam shook his head again._

_"I, I can't." Sam breathed against Dean's lips and Dean let out another sob, pulling Sam's waist closer to his and trying to give him warmth. "I need to go, Dean. I, I deserve this. I'm a monst-" Knowing full-well what Sam was going to say Dean closed the proximity with another simple kiss, cutting him off as Sam let a moan into the passion within the kiss. Sam was running out of time, he knew it so he stopped the kiss and lifted one hand to Dean's cheek and the other to Dean's hand. Dean clutched Sam's left hand resting on his cheek, stroking it gently and interlocked the other one. "Dean, I, I'm leaving now." Dean shook his head this time, and before he could say anything Sam ran his thumb over Dean's lip to mute him for a bit and rested his forehead against Dean's. "I, I will always love you, Dean. I'll always love you, jerk..." Sam swiped his thumb over Dean's lips one more time before his hands went limp and his head lolled a bit, then slid from Dean's forehead until it rested against his collar bone._

_"Sam!?!" Dean yelled, holding Sam's left hand against his cheek, letting the other one go and resting it to the back of Sam's head and pulled him up to eye-level. Warm, steady tears streamed down his face. "Sammy, God no, come on, Sammy." He stuck his fingers through Sam's hair, tangling them there in panic. "SAM." Dean dropped Sam's right hand to his side and rested his hand against Sam's cheek before kissing said cheek and pulling him for a hug. "Sam..." Dean sobbed into Sam's flannel shirted shoulder and rocked his brother, not believing the stillness of his brother's hearbeat. "God, Jesus Christ."_

_***  
_

Dean woke up, tears pooled around his face, mingling with the broken glass and muffled streetlights came through the bedroom, bouncing along the walls. He rose slowly, body aching everywhere as he dragged himself to the kitchenette to get vodka from the freezer, another memory flashing when he reached for the fridge instead of the freezer and saw all of the fast food junk.

***

 _You're going to get a heart attack, one of these days, Dean." Sam commented, pushing around his salad and forking some into his mouth as Dean took a bite of his double bacon cheeseburger and_ _smiled, grin filled with half eaten burger._

_"Oh, stop being such a health-freak. Bacon is delicious. Better than that rabbit food your eating." Dean smiled and finished his meal quick, Sam quickly following and sighing before turning to Dean and closing his eyes._

_"Goodnight, Deano." Sam smiled, the headlights of other cars bouncing off his features as Dean drove through the night._

_"G'night, Sammy."_

_***_

Dean froze and turned on his heal towards the bed, his heart clenching as his body hit the mattress. His gaze fell to the streaming light coming through the curtains, another memory flooding his consciousness.

***

_"What are you looking at?" Sam stood, buck naked, in front of sun-whitened curtains as his smile grew wider and his dimples deepened towards Dean. That smile, bright as anything. Those eyes, vividly in love just as Dean was._

_"A beauty." Dean smirked at Sam's flush from the bed where he currently laid with the sheet sprawled over his manly parts and chuckled as Sam wobbled to the bed with two coffees._

_"I am not, I'm manly." Sam replied, his face still flushed as he grabbed two coffee filled mugs. Dean wasn't always this cheesy, but his Sammy was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. So beautiful._

_"Having problems walking, princess?" Dean grinned smugly as Sam threw him a playful glare as he handed Dean the coffee mug._

_"No thanks to someone, idiot." Dean accepted the coffee, took a sip then set it down as Sam laid down beside him and snuggled into Dean's shoulder, and put his arm on top of Dean's bare chest as Dean rested his hand on Sam's hip-bone, his thumb stroking on the softness of the the hollow of said hip then played with Sam's hair. Those brown, silky locks, soft to the touch as Sam's sighed contently, his breath tickling Dean's chest._

_"You are the bitch in the relationship, Sammy." Sam snorted._

_"Yeah, well its 'cause I have the higher pain tolerance, jerk." Dean laughed and kissed Sam's forehead. That skin, soft and warm--inviting in every way. Sam leaned into Dean's touch, turning away from the sitcom, broadcasting from the crappy motel T.V, and towards his brother. Dean admired Sam's eyes, which bounced between green and brown; today they were both. Those hazel eyes looked at Dean lustfully, up to his eyes then down to his lips then back to his eyes again. Dean leaned into Sam, pulling his shoulder towards him and started the kiss slow then escalated the passion as Sam straddled Dean once again, both pulling at each others hair and lips. Their skin moving with the others in the bright, morning light. Sam moaned into Dean's lips as he tugged a little too hard on Sam's hair, which led Dean to let out a grunt. Sam begun to roll his hips against his brothers, as Dean moaned and his hands slid from Sam's hair, to his shoulders, arms, sides, small of his back then squeezed tightly around his ass. Sam moaned loudly, arching his back and ending the kiss as he tossed his head back. Dean followed the brunet and captured Sam's collar bone between his teeth and sucked harshly, Sam wrapping his arms around his brother's neck and moaning even louder and rolled his hips faster, Dean groaned and thrusted up to meet him half way. After a good five minutes, they were spent. Sam collapsing on top of Dean, a panting mess as he let out erratic breaths in Dean's ear. Dean covered them up with the sheets lazily, his eye-lids feeling heavy as he carefully de-straddled Sam from him and placed the unconscious brother beside him. Dean admired Sam's sleeping face a moment before sleep captured him, pulling Sam close as they fell asleep together._

_***_

Dean woke up again, with a misconception that his dream he just had was reality and this was a nightmare. It only made him feel worse. He tried to cry, only a pricking pain and heavy breathing coming from it. Dean slung himself up, looking at the see-through curtain the sunrise ending, blue skies capturing the world.

***

_"The sky is so blue today, don't you think?" Sam accepted the beer Dean offered him as he observed the sky above them. "A beer tastes good anywhere if the scenery looks so nice, even on the side of the road." Dean snorted._

_"Beer tastes good, period." Sam laughed, a melodic sound Dean would play on repeat until the day he died if he had it his way. "I'd drink it everyday, if I could." Dean was not talking about beer._

_"Yeah whatever, tell that to your liver." Dean sat on top of the Impala, and looked at his brother who was perched on top of the beer-cooler. He poked Sam with his beer bottle and Sam turned to him, his bangs gently falling against his eyelashes._

_"Lay over here, we can look at the sky better." Sam gave Dean the 'wow so you do have a romantic side, I thought we were only brothers with benefits' look before hoping up beside him and laid his head on Dean's chest._

_"So you do have feelings." Sam whispered, and Dean snorted then sat up abruptly._

_"I wanna lean on you, this time." Sam looked suprised then sat up with Dean._

_"Wow, something's changed your attitude. This deserves a toast." Sam held his beer to clink, and Dean went along with it with a chuckle And clinked their beers before both chugging them down and Dean rested his head on Sam's chest. "What or who should we dedicate that cheers to?" Dean felt the vibrations of Sam's chest and snuggled closer to him and felt Sam's chest rise then fall, his heart beat beating and his warm skin radiating through his layers. This was his Sam, he almost fell asleep before answering, looking_ _up at the broad, blue sky._

_"For blue skies, then Sammy."_

***

This day was too happy without Sam. Nothing is worth living without Sam. The sky was too blue. Dean ran to the bathroom, grasping a piece of glass from the tiles as he held it over his wrist, right over the other scars and bandages of previous cuts. His vision was blurry, shakin and frightened. He stared absentmindedly at the cuts. This cut wouldn't heal though. "Sam... I could've saved you." Dean mumbled out, in case Sam was in Heaven and Dean was going to Hell. Just one last word. "I'm sorry. I shoulld have saved you, Sammy I..." Dean started to cut gently at his wrist, scarlet and salty tears mixing together in the open wound, before he continued he stared up at the roodpf with a deadly glare. "I can't and won't live without my brother and I'll kill myself over and over again until I stay dead." He warned the angels, in case they expected him to be brought back to life without Sam.

He let the glass slice and cut, deep at that, into his skin. So deep he even saw Sam rushing over to him, feeling his hands and breath as Dean closed his eyes.

***

"....an" Huh? Who's there?

"...ean!"

"DEAN?!" Dean jumped awake, his wrist heeled from pain under the white cloth that was wrapped around it. His head snapped to the person who was holding him, and his heart almost stopped.

"Sam...?" Dean's voice cracked, his hands reaching slowly and patted softly against Sam's forehead, then his cheek and lastly his lips. "You're really here...?" Dean's hunter inside him screamed 'Shifter' or something, but he didn't care. Sam was here. Sam nodded, holding Dean in his arms just like Dean did that day Sam left. Dean let a happy cry, and regained all of his strength again, the bones and scars fading and being replaced by muscle and health. Sam looked as startled as Dean.

"Dean..." Sam sighed happily into Dean's desperate kiss, straddling the older Winchester's hips turning it, almost, into a make out session until a dorky angel appeared. Dean jumped.

"Cas, Jesus Christ I told you to stop doing that." Dean said, smiling. He couldn't stop smiling, Sam was here.

"You two", Cas started, then flushed at the position they were in then brushed it off, "are way to codependent." They both laughed, Dean's eye sparkling towards Sam. He nodded towards Cas to thank him, and Cas did the same for his gratitude. "I'll be leaving, now." Cas poofed out. An awkward silence dropped on them, and Dean broke the ice, holding Sam's hips securely against his own.

"Sam, I-" Sam leaned down and pecked Dean's lips for him to shut up.

"Sh, I want to say something first." Sam smiled, and Dean shut up. "I forgive you." Dean's heart melted.

"Say it again." Dean said, and Sam pecked his lips again.

"I forgive you."

"Again." Dean looked up into Sam's eyes, feeling grateful and free and Sam pecked his lips twice.

"I forgive you." Sam giggled and Dean worshiped that sound.

"Again." Dean's voice dropped a couple of octaves before Sam's giggle turned into a gentle and loving smile.

"I forgive you" Sam pecked his lips three times, one time on either corner of Dean's mouth and one on the middle. "Even though it was my fault."

"Well I forgive you too."

 


End file.
